Dird had been acting… off. Too quiet. Too calculated. Too… suspicious. Every time someone asked him what he was up to, he gave some vague response like, “Oh, just working on something,” or “Don’t worry about it.”
Tealy was worried about it.
And it wasn’t just Dird—Beric and Greeny were acting just as suspicious. The three of them had been seen whispering in corners, sneaking around with their phones, and disappearing at random times.
Something was going on.
Tealy couldn’t take it anymore. This was serious. This required a plan.
That’s how Operation DirdSpy was born.
The Team:
- Tealy – The mastermind (in his mind, at least).
- DumbDird – The muscle (which was questionable).
- UltraDumbDird – The backup muscle (even more questionable).
- SuperDumbDird – The… extra confusion?
- Bayla – The “stealth expert” (this would be proven false).
- Blara – The… well, she was supposed to be there, but that didn’t quite happen.
The Mission:
Spy on Dird, Beric, and Greeny. Learn their secret. Uncover the truth.
Reality:
Total, absolute chaos.
Phase 1: Immediate Failure
The first step of the mission was simple: observe. Tealy had assigned everyone roles.
- Bayla was supposed to watch Dird and see where he was going.
- DumbDird was in charge of following Beric without being noticed.
- UltraDumbDird and SuperDumbDird… well, Tealy just told them to “be helpful,” which was his first mistake.
- Tealy himself would keep an eye on Greeny.
Bayla, the supposed “stealth expert,” walked over near Dird’s house and patiently waited. Dird eventually appeared… and walked downstairs.
That was it. That was all she saw.
“…That’s not much of a clue,” she muttered. But instead of continuing, she decided to just sit down and enjoy the fresh air. Spying was hard.
Meanwhile, DumbDird had already lost focus.
“I see Beric!” DumbDird whispered dramatically. He pointed at a random person jogging nearby.
“That’s not Beric,” Tealy deadpanned.
DumbDird ignored him and sprinted full speed after the jogger.
“HEY! GET BACK HERE, BERIC!”
The jogger, understandably horrified, took off running.
Then, UltraDumbDird, seeing DumbDird running, immediately assumed he was Dird chasing Beric. So he started running after DumbDird.
“I GOT YOU, DIRD!” UltraDumbDird shouted.
Then, SuperDumbDird, seeing UltraDumbDird running, got confused and assumed he was Greeny chasing Dird chasing Beric.
So, naturally, SuperDumbDird started chasing UltraDumbDird.
“I WON’T LET YOU ESCAPE, GREENY!”
Within seconds, there was an actual conga line of nonsense happening.
A random jogger being chased by DumbDird, who was being chased by UltraDumbDird, who was being chased by SuperDumbDird.
Tealy stood there, flailing in the middle of the road.
“This is NOT the plan!” he shrieked.
Nobody was listening.
Phase 2: Blara’s Absolute Inactivity
Back at Tealy’s house, Blara was supposed to be on “home base duty,” keeping track of reports and updates.
Instead, she was still on the couch.
She never left.
She was just sitting there, eating snacks and scrolling on her phone.
At one point, Tealy called her.
“Blara, what’s your status?”
“Oh. Uh. Yeah. I never left.”
“…WHY?”
“I got comfortable.”
Tealy hung up.
Phase 3: The Only Discovery
After chasing the wrong person, losing track of Dird, and failing every step of the mission, Tealy somehow ended up at Beric’s house.
There, he finally found something. A clue. A breakthrough. A discovery.
It was…
…A bag of Doritos.
That was it.
Beric just liked Doritos.
Tealy stared at the bag for a long time. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting, but it definitely wasn’t this.
“Well,” he sighed, “I guess that was to be expected.”
Mission Outcome:
- Did they discover what Dird was working on? No.
- Did they accomplish anything at all? No.
- Did they cause absolute chaos? Yes.
Tealy called an emergency team meeting (except for Blara, who refused to leave the couch).
“This was a disaster,” Tealy admitted, rubbing his head. “We failed in every way possible.”
DumbDird, UltraDumbDird, and SuperDumbDird were still trying to catch their breath from the marathon chase sequence.
Bayla simply shrugged. “I mean, I did see Dird go downstairs.”
“That tells us nothing, Bayla!” Tealy groaned.
In the end, Operation DirdSpy was a complete failure. They never found out what Dird, Beric, and Greeny were up to. The only thing they discovered was that Beric liked Doritos.
And deep down, Tealy knew that next time?
They’d probably fail again.
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